Highs and Lows

Today was the best and the worst all combined into one.  It was emotionally exhausting for all of us.  We visited the orphanage and the foster home where Katie stayed.  She did fine at the orphanage, but the foster home was another story.   We were also able to visit the hospital where she was found.  We took pictures and hope that someday they will mean so much to her.

We woke her from her nap to meet the driver to go to her foster home.  After about a thirty minute drive we arrived.  She immediately recognized where she was. The director was not in today, but another lady met us and thankfully she spoke English.  She showed us around and Katie's nanny came out to see her.  This is when things started to go south.  Katie screamed for her and wouldn't even let Travis hold her at that point.  We let the nanny hold her while we walked around the home and saw Katie's room.  

I really felt that it was the right thing to do to visit, but at that point I was thinking, "What have I done?"  If her nanny had been willing to give her back to us it would have gone better, but she followed us and just as Katie was settling down, she came into the room and took her back from Travis.  Travis got very upset and told them "No, I'm not happy."  The English speaking lady knew and understood that this was only prolonging Katie's trauma, so she told the nanny to leave.  At this time, I decided it was probably best if we make a quick exit from the home. 

Katie cried for about half of the trip home and was calling for her nanny.  I felt helpless since my relationship with her is not established.  On the ride home I felt as if I had made a mistake.  

When we arrived back at the hotel though, Katie responded so well to me.  We played for a long time with crayons and stickers and she even let me hold her.    She was laughing and was not calling for baba when he would walk out of the room.  Then at dinner, she sat in my lap to eat and I leaned over and kissed her cheek and she kissed me back!  I started tearing up in the middle of the restaurant.  So, do I regret going to the foster home?  Well, I hated going through the pain, but I think the end result was worth it.  I think it was important for Katie to grieve and to realize that we are now her parents and she will not be staying at the foster home any longer.  It was the lowest and highest possible emotions all in one day. 

Trevor has been quite the trooper throughout everything.  Today was hard on him as well.  He was scared to move in the car on the ride back to the hotel for fear that he would somehow upset Katie again.  She did play with him as well when we got back to the hotel, and she gave him a hug.   It's hard to explain to a ten year old how something so stressful, something that seems so bad, can actually be a good thing.  I have been so proud of him on this trip.  He has stepped in and carried the back pack, made sure we have the room key, and taken some really good pictures.  He says he's not homesick, but I think we will all be glad to be back home. 

My email is not working over here, so I'm not able to check it.  If you want to send an email, send it to ac.plowboy@gmail.com